What About Friends?

As a homeschooling mom, I think this is one of those things that I get asked about the most. Well, it really falls under the question, how will they get socialized? But let's face it, people think that my kids will not have any friends, or will not even know how to make friends. They will be soooo deprived...

I, for one, have not had a problem with my kids' ability to make friends. In fact, I wish they weren't so good at it. But most of them (my kids) are friendly, with a variety of interests and are able to talk to people of any age. Bookworm is a little aloof, but he is shy and it comes out as kinda, well, not always friendly. But most don't seem to mind, as he has many friends.

The biggest problem I see in them is that in many ways they are more mature than most kids their age. They are pretty confident in who they are, so following the crowd is not a big deal to them. But in a lot of ways, they are very naive and immature. They don't get the sarcasm, the attempts at backstabbing, or the being loud and obnoxious. When they pick up on it, it really, really hurts them. They have not developed the tough-skinnedness they would get from attending school.

Also, they are definitely loners, just like the hubby and I. They have recently expressed that they are quite tired of having friends stop by anytime, to hang out aaaaallllllllll daaaaayyyyyy, and getting mad if my kids say they don't want to play. (And honestly, I am tired of being considered free anytime for their friends to hang at.) So, as of this first of the year, we are having a 'no friends during the week rule'. It is really the only way we are going to be able to accomplish everything we have planned for the year.

Maybe that seems harsh, but I asked the kids if they were okay with this and they all were relieved. I am sure this will offend quite a few of my friends as well, but I can only hope that they will understand it is really in the best interest of my family.

I do want my children to have friends, but I think the most important relationships they can have is with their family. Friends come and go, but your family is always your family... whether you like it or not. You do not need to see your friends everyday for hours at a time!

Another problem I have come across is the type of kids mine are friends with. Questions like, do I let them hang with kids a little older than them, younger? What about attitudes, morals, values, beliefs? Home environment? Here is what I've learned over the summer... Some of the kids I thought would be good for my kids, were not. Some I thought would lead them down the path to destruction, have been wonderful for them, and have really melded into our family. Age is really just a number. You never really know about a person unless you take the time to get to know them, and just because you heard one thing, or their family is one way, does not make the individual like that. It only takes one time of hanging with a new friend to get into a lot of trouble.

So, I am cautious. I let my kids pick their friends, but they have to play/hang here several times before they can go anywhere with them. If I truly see a destructive streak in the friend, I talk to my kids about it. Not in a demeaning, or accusatory way, simply, 'I noticed this and although I like such and such about Sally, I am worried about this or that. What do you think? What would you do if she wanted you to do this?' Yes, I really have that type of relationship with my kids. We talk about everything - e v e r y t h i n g! And that is why I have really let my kids take the lead in making their own friendships. I trust them, as much as a parent can. I am their Parent first, not their friend! Yes, they have messed up! They have gotten into trouble, made bad decisions, lied to me - for a little while :) I am not naive enough to think they are perfect, or that it is their friends that are always at fault. It's good for them to make mistakes, that is how they learn. And they have left some friends behind in their growth, some I liked, some not so much, but it was their choice. Not me telling them to.

I only pray that as they continue to grow up, our relationship grows as well!